Back in 2005 I put on a white silk dress, a beautiful scalloped veil, I was walked down the aisle by my Father dressed in his military uniform and his medals proudly on show and I said my vows.
At the time, in a room full of family, soon to be family and friends, being so full of hope, love and visions of white picket fences....and having no idea that in 5yrs from that day we'd be filing for divorce.
Being the dreamer that I am, I refused to ever think that I'd be labeled as a 'divorcee'. I only ever wished to marry the once, to the one that I was going to grow old with. But me being me and naivety clearly running vibrantly through my veins, realized life doesn't always give you the cards you want.
I remember after almost a year of trying to gain the courage to speak the words to the man who I'd clearly fallen out of love with and really, didn't know anymore and that it was over. A year it took me to tell him, so you can have an insight that I really couldn't make the decision to file for divorce lightly. You see, something along the way got broken, we worked on it and then it got broken again....there's only so many times you can put something together before you realize they just don't fit together anymore.
So it was one of the most difficult and heartbreaking decisions I've ever had to make. But in the end it was the right one, and that in turn would work out in the long run for us all. Because lets face it, if something doesn't work anymore, you need to cut the ties. No dragging behind the speeding car of life....because that's just cruel, wouldn't you agree?
It's been over three years since I made that difficult decision and a year since the divorce was finalized and after seeing other family members go through messy divorces, including my own parents....I was worried how we could make it work for the sake of our kids.
So how did we make it work?
Well, for a good year we didn't. It was minimal talking, being polite in front of the children which was the most important thing. It didn't help that a few months after I ended the marriage that he left to work across the pond for half a year.
But upon his return for the sake of the children we worked through the kinks and hurdles, put aside any animosity we had for the situation and focused on our children. So many divorces use the children as pawns in a battle to get one up on the other parent, but not us.
I have sole residency, no court order in place as we didn't feel the need to go down that road. He can also see them when he likes and our routine for the last two years + has been he has them two nights a week. He only lives down the road so it all works pretty well I have to admit. Main reason being because we communicate, help out the other if and when we can and keep each other up to speed.
Over time we've become friends again, good friends and still find it easy to laugh with each other and it's lovely to have the kids see that even though their Mummy & Daddy don't live together anymore, that they're still friends. Because for them, that's the most important thing.